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8th of June, Osh, Kyrgyzstan

Here I am, feeling lost. It's not the first time, of course, but I think it's the most lost I've felt since beginning my travels. There are many reasons for this, which I'll try to share with you.

I feel far. Very far. I feel tired. Very tired. I just got to Kyrgyzstan which is extremely exciting, and I don't feel excited. I feel lost. And then, this creates a vicious circle, because I think it sucks to feel this way, and I need to feel excited. Which only makes everyting worse. Also, I feel pressured. From what or whom, you may wonder? Well, I wonder the same. There's this constant expectation to enjoy every moment, do everyting possible, feel wonderful, be social, and seize every opportunity. And when I don't meet these expectations, guilt sets in. Finding balance between these pressures I put on myself and my actual feelings is tricky, and sometimes it's harder than others.

Also, there's this evil thing. Social media from other travelers. What should be merely inspiration, can turn into pressure. ‘’Oh, look at this beautiful place’’, or ‘’see how they met locals by hitchhiking’’ — I want those experiences too. But then, reality hits. I'm exhausted, and I'm a solo woman. Which of course doesn't mean I can't do these things, I've done them before, but right now they feel like enrmous mountains I don't have the strenght to climb. This is also the first time I'm really back on being solo after my Kazakhstan incident, that I mentioned in my previous article. This experience has definitely affected my confidence and the trust I had in people.

☁️This has made me question what I share on social media or through these articles, and confirmed that it's sooo important to be transparent and also share moments of strong doubt like what I'm experiencing right now, or less glamourous stories like what I experienced in Kazakhstan.

Finally, there are travelers I've met before who are now in Kyrgyzstan, and I feel pressured to meet with them, though I'm not certain I want to. I'd prefer to follow my own route without having to meet anyone. But I don't want to be rude and say that to them, because they are wonderful people — it's just that I'm not in the right mindset right now. I can't figure out whether I'd benefit more from company or solitude. Until I figure this out, I think it's best that I stay on my own.

Well, you may have a picture of how I'm feeling right now. And I'm not entirely sure what to do with all these emotions. I guess I should stop overthinking, take a deep breath, rest, and simply listen to myself — just as I've been doing for the past four months. I can do it. I know I can.

13th of June 2025, Osh, Kyrgyzstan

First of all, I feel better. 🧘‍♀️ I breathed, listened to myself, and went in the mountains. And it was fascinating. Not only the nature, but the people and their way of living.

I first spent two days in a small remote village, Sary Mogul, down the mountains but already 3,000 meters high. And as beautiful as it was, it was strange. Many things felt strange. First, the kids. I couldn't tell if they were being playful, or rude. They would all run to me shouting ‘HELLO!!!' as soon as they saw me. Sweet. I would greet them back and try to engage with them. But then, their behaviours would shift. Some would get uncomfortably close, touching my bracelets or phone, while others would even become mean.